Loving my music: a conflict of heart and head

So I have been wondering over the last 3 1/2 years that I have been playing drums, why I feel very satisfied some of the times and very unsatisfied after others. I have tried many different situations and scenarios, in hopes of answering this. I tried playing alone more, playing with others more, play more covers, playing more original music, I tried playing in different bands, some with existing friends and some with strangers that I got to know. One thing thing that I noticed seem to be fairly consistent was whether I played live or not. I figured out that most of the playing time when I am live is from my heart. I also learned that when I try to play from my head when I am live that I almost completely freeze up. So what ends up happening is that I simply let go. I play what I feel and let the rest go. Now, I have only learned that within the last year or so and as I have explored on my own, behind closed doors, the details of that have become clear. I also, in this time, have explored playing with other musicians in various ways and have learned some additional pieces to this. When I share my intimate details, my experience also deepens. So, now, I am back to playing alone and have just learned some new information. Well, its not really new, but I am having a new experience of it. I played drums earlier and had the intention of playing from my heart so as to be satisifed and fulfilled by the time playing. I noticed that within the first 15 minutes, I was conflicted between what sounded cool and what felt good to play.

Do you really love your soul's expression?

Do you ever just sit down and play music without thinking? Do you just play what comes out? Do you ever just start drawing with no thought or mental plan? Do you create something that connects with you deeply? Does your head want to judge it? If you have been, do you love it? Are you totally filled up by these experiences with yourself? How many of you out there truly know what this feels like? How many of you have had these experiences with others and magnified these feelings of satisfaction? I have spent the last 3 1/2 years exploring these topics with myself and others to better understand one thing. Do I love what my soul is expressing? Finally, I can say yes about my art and my music, but I feel as though there is more. My soul deeply yearns to connect with other musicians consistently in a fulfilling way. My heart wants others to know of these feelings also and to explore with them.

What is this blog about?

This is about loving your artist expression, no matter if it is some form of art, or music. It's about loving yourself and what comes out of your soul.